


Chasing Ghosts

by dancingswanprincess



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: RvB Angst War, did i get all the punch names right? probably not, epsilon's death (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 10:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13996233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingswanprincess/pseuds/dancingswanprincess





	Chasing Ghosts

At first, retirement seemed like a great idea. Everyone was understandably tired from fighting on Chorus, and a break away from everything sounded just like the thing that they needed. It was a fresh start, and how many times had Carolina wished for that?

It went well at first too – the trouble that the Reds and Blues got into day in day out kept her pretty occupied. But even with them, there were times when things were relatively quiet. Nothing was burning down, no one was having what they made out to be a major crisis. During those rare occasions, Carolina snuck off alone to train.

Carolina knew she didn’t _need_ to fight anymore, really, but training had always been such a part of her life that she doubted she’d ever stop. There was just something about the flash of adrenaline, the catharsis that she’d loved since she was a little girl. Something about the repetition of the patterns of punches and kicks that she could get lost in for an hour or two. Jab-jab-cross, jab-jab-cross, left elbow, right uppercut, hook, knee to the stomach. That should drop anyone, but she could do better. Go faster and add one more kick to the end, just for insurance. Jab, jab, rear, left elbow, right uppercut, hook, knee to the stomach, spinning sidekick–

That’s when she heard a familiar voice: _“Nice hit, sis!”_

Carolina stopped dead in the middle of her next jab. Was...was that Epsilon?

“Epsilon?” Her head whipped to her left shoulder, then her right. Carolina spun in a quick circle, heart pounding in her chest as she looked for the familiar hologram of her brother. But there was nothing. She ran her fingers over her implants and they were still empty. Even if Epsilon was somehow alive, his chip wasn’t there, there was no way that she should be able to hear him. What was going _on?_

Maybe…maybe it was just too little sleep. Those last few nights trying to talk Wash into exhaustion and smacking coffee mugs out of his hands probably just took a little bit out of her. She hadn’t _completely_ lost her marbles, no. No, Epsilon was definitely and irrefutably–

Carolina couldn’t make herself think the word. She hadn’t truly been able to admit it to herself, not yet. It was like her brain refused to function when presented with that scenario, only putting out static. She shook her head to clear it, and got back into a fighting position.

She restarted her pattern: Jab-jab-cross, jab-jab-cross, left elbow, right uppercut, hook, knee to the stomach – and froze. Carolina half-expected to hear that voice from her past again, only to find her head quiet. Quiet and _empty._ Her vision went blurry as her eyes filled with tears.

How had she not known that this was going to happen?

She’d gotten warnings about him failing before, he’d even failed that day on the cliff. But she kept pushing him, kept asking him to do more and sacrifice more until he thought that the only way to keep everyone alive was to sacrifice himself. He was _in her head,_ how had she not _known?_

She blinked rapidly, trying to clear her vision, but the tears kept coming until they were spilling down her cheeks. _Dammit,_ she thought. Now that the dam was broken, she knew there would be no holding back. Epsilon was her _brother_ , he’d known everything she was thinking even if he wasn’t in her head, always knew exactly what she needed. Whether it was banter, the voice of reason or a push in the right direction, Epsilon was there. Her mind flashed back to the time he’d pulled up York’s journal entries, the first time in God knew how long that she felt like anyone _cared_ about her. She’d been alone for so long, and then…she wasn’t. His words from that day rung in her head, clear as they would be if he was projecting next to her: _I know what it’s like to spend your life chasing ghosts._

She hadn’t even known that was what she was doing, really…but Epsilon had.

Carolina took shuddering breaths, and wiped tears off her face. No, she couldn’t afford to fixate on the feeling like she was being stabbed in the chest, like she was having the air sucked out of her lungs. She just had to keep moving, keep moving and the emotion wouldn’t catch up with her. Carolina clenched her fists and focused on the ground, got her breathing under control and shifted back into a fighting stance.

One more try to get this pattern right.


End file.
